Best 90 funny drunk quotes,drinking quotes,Alcohol quotes of all time

Best 90 funny drunk quotes,drinking quotes,Alcohol quotes of all time


A collection of funny drunk quotes or drinking quotes.


1.
“Alcohol goes in, Happiness comes out.”,drunk quotes


2.
“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?”  — Stephen Wright

 
3.
“A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it’s better to be thoroughly sure.”  —  Czech Proverb

 
4.
“An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.”  — Dylan Thomas

   
5.
“Any man who eats dessert is not drinking enough.”  — Ernest Hemingway,drunk quotes

   
6.
“Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.”  —   Anonymous

 
7.
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”  —  Benjamin Franklin

 
8.
“Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.”  — Henry Lawson,drunk quotes
 
 
9.
“Champagne and orange juice is a great drink. The orange improves the champagne. The champagne definitely improves the orange.”  —  Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

 
10.
“Don't trust a brilliant idea unless it survives the hangover. ”  —  Jimmy Breslin

  
11.
“Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.”  —  Knute Rockne,drunk quotes

 
12.
“Drink what you want; drink what you’re able. If you are drinking with me, you’ll be under the table.”  —   Anonymous

 
13.
“Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat; it makes you lean… against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.”  —   Anonymous

 
14.
“Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!” ― Warren Ellis,drunk quotes

 
15.
“Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.”   —  Robert Benchley

 
16.
“Drinking makes uninteresting people matter less and late at night, matter not at all.”  —  Lillian Hellman

 
17.
“Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.” — Ross Levy

 
18.
“Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.”   —  Seneca,drunk quotes

 
19.
“Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.” — Jean Kerr

 
20.
“Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink. ”  —  Author Unknown

 
21.
“Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.”  —  Dudley Moore 

  
22.
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

  
23.
“From man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the world. ” — Saint Arnoldus,drunk quotes

 
24.
“He was a wise man who invented beer.”  — Plato

    
25.
“How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?”   —  Author Unknown

   
26.
“I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.” — Noel Coward,drunk quotes

 
27.
“I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade — and then try to find someone whose life is giving them vodka, and have a party.”   —  Ron White

    
28.
“I drink Champagne when I win, to celebrate…and I drink Champagne when I lose, to console myself. ” — Napoleon Bonaparte

  
29.
“I drink only to make my friends seem interesting.”   —  Don Marquis,drunk quotes

 
30.
“I drink to forget I drink. ” — Joe E. Lewis


31.
“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.” — Rodney Dangerfield

 
32.
“I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.”  —  Miguel de Cervantes,drunk quotes

 
33.
“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”  —  Dean Martin

 
34.
“I find the more I drink, the more interesting others become.”  —   Tom Ralphs

 
35.
“I got so wasted one night I waited for the stop sign to change, and it did.”  —   Steve Krabitz

  
36.
“I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”  —  Sir Winston Churchill,drunk quotes

 
37.
“I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink.”  —  Richard Burton

 
38.
“I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn’t pronounce it.”  —   Anonymous,drunk quotes

 
39.
“I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.” — Robert Benchley

  
40.
“I like liquor — its taste and its effects — and that is just the reason why I never drink it. ”  —  Stonewall Jackson

 
41.
“I like my whiskey old and my women young. ”  — Errol Flynn,drunk quotes

  
42.
“I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly . . . ”  —   Anchorman

 
43.
“I love to drink martinis. Two at the very most. Three I’m under the table. Four I’m under my host.”  —  Dorothy Parker

 
44.
“I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me.”  — Brendan Behan,drunk quotes


45.
“I only take a drink on two occasions: when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.”— Brendan Behan

 
46.
“I think hangovers are the body's way of telling us we didn't drink enough to still be drunk when we woke up the next day.”— Tidewater Joe

 
47.
“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”  — David Lee Roth,drunk quotes

 
48.
“I went on a diet, swore off drinking, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.”  —  Joe E Lewis

 
49.
“I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.”— Hunter S. Thompson

  
50.
“I'd prefer to have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.”   —  Frank Nicholson 

 
51.
“If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.”   —  Author Unknown

 
52.
“If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.”  —   David Daye,drunk quotes


53.
“If I had not some strength of will I would make a first class drunkard.”— Ernest Shackleton

 
54.
“If you don't drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, -And then I go home-.” — Jim Jefferies

 
55.
“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.”  — Clement Freud

  
56.
“I'm getting drunk, with or without you.” — The Beat Farmers,drunk quotes

   
57.
“I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk. We go to parties.”   —  Author Unknown

 
58.
“I'm only a beer teetotaler, not a champagne teetotaler; I don't like beer.”  —  George Bernard Shaw

   
59.
“Is the glass half full or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring or drinking.”  —  Bill Cosby

  
60.
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”   —  George Burns

 
61.
“Know thyself, especially thyself after a couple of drinks.”   —  Robert Brault ,drunk quotes

  
62.
“Life's a waste of time, time's a waste of life so let's all get wasted and have the time of our life. ”  —  Author Unknown

 
63.
“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.”  —   Lord Byron

 
64.
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.”  —  Rodney Dangerfield

   
65.
“Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy, I've done it a thousand times.”   —  W.C. Fields


66.  
“One martini is just right, two is too many, three is not enough.”  —  James Thurber,drunk quotes

 
67.
“People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.”  —  Ann Landers

 
68.
“Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.”  — Don Marquis

 
69.
“Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.”  —   N.F. Simpson

  
70.
“Show me how you drink and I will tell you who you are.”  —  Emile Peynaud,drunk quotes


71.
“Take life with a grain of salt, a slice of lime, and a shot of tequila.”   —  Author Unknown

  
72.
“The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.” — Mignon McLaughlin

  
73.
“The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity.”   —  Author Unknown

 
74.
“The first time I got drunk, I got married. The second time I bought a chimpanzee, after that I stayed sober.”   — Arian Seid

 
75.
“The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism. ” — Norman Brenner,drunk quotes


76.
“The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober. ”  —  William Butler Yeats

  
77.
“There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.” ― Chelsea Handler

 
78.
“There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.”  — Benjamin Franklin

  
79.
“There is no such thing as a bad whisky. Some whiskies just happen to be better than others.”  —  William Faulkner

 
80.
“There may be a few good men who don't drink, but they've got to prove it.”  — Col. Lincoln Karmany, USMC


81.
“They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.”   —  Scottish Proverb,drunk quotes

 
82.
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.”  —  Mark Twain

  
83.
“When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.”  —   Frantois Rabelais

 
84.
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”  —  Henny Youngman,drunk quotes

 
85.
“When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun, but when you mix the two you become a dumbass.”  —   That 70’s Show

 
86.
“When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.” — Jimmy Breslin

  
87.
“Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!”  —  Martin Luther

  
88.
“You know what 'SOBER' stands for ? It stands for 'Son Of a Bitch, Everything's Real!'”— Gary Busey


89.
“You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” — Dean Martin,drunk quotes

 
90.
“You're pretty when I'm drunk.”  — The Bloodhound Gang,drunk quotes

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